Today I learned something about myself. Actually let me rephrase that. Today I took the courage to exclaim a truth. In turn, I learned that I am capable. I’ll explain more about being capable in a few. First, I’m going to tell you a little about why I decided to write this today.
Somehow or another, a deeply philosophical conversation started in one of my classes. One fellow artist asked all of us what we thought about the origins of the soul. All of us were a little baffled. Of course, the soul comes from the heart… no, the brain… no, our dad… no our mom… Wait, Where DOES the soul come from? A difficult question, indeed. Actually, it was a question that I have actually never took time out of my day to think about. Why? God, I wish I knew. Such a great thought.
Personally I believe the soul has to have some other-wordly quality to it. I mean, before this moment in time, I had never considered the fact that maybe there is a metaphysical part of us that makes us who we are, and not just ‘dust in the wind’. I have always believed that physical things in this world have some sort of conscious living. The trees grow, rocks change shape and form, clouds appear and die off (on their own terms, of course), the wind blows or decides not to blow, you get the point. But we define these things with logical terms like ‘science’ or ‘religion’. What if, and I’m pushing for an idea here, what if the idea of a soul really cannot be described in words? I mean, we are just one of billions of ‘objects’ in this universe. Am I really that conceded to think that maybe we will never be able to ‘define’ the soul in just words? Just the idea of the soul, to me, requires that we strain all of our senses at the same time to try to get a glimpse at even our own soul. Billions of souls, just waiting for a definition. Hell, maybe the Earth is the only soul, and we are just the atoms that give it force (or take away)?
You get the point of my frustration, I hope.
Anyways, I blurted out something after a question like this was asked, “What connection do mothers have to their own flash and blood newborns, that perhaps died early on. Do they continue to have that connection for the rest of their life? Is this at all related to the soul?”
I described my own experience losing my birth-mother when I was less than a day old. A loss that I will never comprehend or even begin to understand, but one that I hold on to so dearly in my memory. My soul. My soul is and forever will be part of hers. My love and my heart belong to my mom, who so truthfully and lovingly cared and made me the strong person I am today. But I will forever be tied in soul to the woman who brought me into this world. I am made of her flesh and blood, no?
Anyways, being able to describe this… this thing that has been locked away inside of me for so long, publicly and so nonchalantly, tells me that there really is a soul. A soul that is in constant search for truth, that must overcome fear, and guide the spirit and love within us to a direction that we can both learn from, accept into, and create from. A place that will forever be tied with our closest but rooted in our past. But most of all, a place that realizes that in order to be free, truth must be told and accepted if we are to be able to create from it, and perhaps one day, let it go.