The past few days have been rather interesting for me. Not because I have had this terrible cold, or that I have been house sitting; rather, I have been in a gradual process of self-realization. Do you ever find yourself doing something completely random, and then you have a sudden spark of realization about something that has nothing to do with what you are currently doing?
This weekend, I encountered a few moments like this. I haven’t had this type of self-realization in quite some time. My self realization was one that pushed me, challenged me, and eventually made me question many things in my existence. It was one of those “Oh, wow, so that’s why I.. and this is what I need to do if I want to..” moments.
I find these to be, honestly, quite terrifying; we all fear change to some extent. Some change comes naturally, but most change comes through some sort of self-resistance. We resist because we get used to certain routines, certain attachments, certain ways of life. Being able to see past these, and MAKE yourself move past these things, is quite difficult.
Let’s take someone who is addicted to alcohol, for example. Many alcoholics go their entire lives without ever changing their ways. They might recognize that the direction they are going is not the one that best suits their needs, or their health, but they continue to run themselves dry until there is nothing left; that is, unless they accept their ailment, and know in their soul that change is not easy, but it is the only choice.
Anyways, my realization? This weekend I realized the things that I need to do to move past my ailments, and I accepted that it will not be easy, though I am indeed up, capable and accepting of the challenge.