New Year, New Me

So alas, my new years resolutions never stick. I find myself wishing for change around this time of year. The change is usually a result of something I am not happy about in my life and therefore wish to change it. What better time than the 1st of (said year). Le sigh, A resolve is often a product of frustration, and seemingly is that much harder to attain when that frustration passes (or the dedication to hard work does); as is the case for me.

So why even bother? Maybe the result of the wish is enough to give me a brief glimpse of hope which can be compared to a warm winter day followed by an excessively cold day and 2 feet of snow. This concept can be compared to that of the yin and the yang. Two opposites don’t usually make one complete thing, idea, concept. Rather, the difference between the two make the whole, which is still two separate things, ideas, concepts…

Anyways, to the point. Maybe this all means I need to change the way I resolve. Maybe instead of saying “this is the year”, year after year, I should focus on keeping my energy constant. Maybe instead of change I should focus on keeping the good in my life. That’s it. I know it sounds boring but here it is, my new years resolution: “Continue to love, to be present, and to grow”. The same thing I am going to start telling myself when I wake up every morning. The same thing I need to make myself feel whole again and not just focus on the negatives. Here’s to being positive, 2016…

I am made of…

I am made of..

Yes, this feeling is real.

Year after year, watching the sky

change colors; Blue, red, green,

black; Holding my breath,

while time stood still.

Yet, always looking to feel.

Those years gone by;

roses turned into colorless statues

while the seasons changed

and the cancer left.

Now I hold an apple whose memories I peel.

Slowly the skin I reveal,

The seeds I tuck away;

No; bury far, far under the ground.

In Spring these buried memories,

they would heal…

The frost turned into water

and melted the pain away.

The seeds became trees;

magnificent nurses of nature.

And yet, here I remained.

Waiting for the winter, again.

Years later, an envelope I seal…

Inside, a memory guiding my every move.

Well… guided.

Like a mailbox made of other times and places.

In the past serving as reminders.

But, this is now, this is different.

Like infinite summer days; skies of teal…

no more sorrow, no more rain.

No, a different thought this time,

I am made of steel…

Thoughts on #Life

So I thought I had a bad day..

Woke up tired, forgot half of the things I needed at home, even after going back to my apartment to get them. Took me 30 minutes to find parking after sitting in traffic for an hour. Gas took 20 minutes to fill in the middle of a northeaster. Took another hour to get home. Wallet broke, I’m not doing much better. Didn’t have enough cash in broken wallet to do laundry tonight after dowsing my clothes in laundry detergent. Zipper broke on backpack and jacket, and I’m drenched.

But.. I have a place to call home. I have money in my wallet even though it’s not full. Even though I get wet, I have a place to go. I have a car to sit in traffic in. I have clean clothes. I have a family to call when things get bad. I have good health, and most importantly I am grateful to have the problems I do.
‪#‎Perspective‬ ‪#‎Beoptimistic‬

A thought on Buddhism and Life Pt. 1

Sigh… I spend so much of my life trying to get away from drama, but as Buddhism teaches, the opposite of something is essentially the same as the thing that you are trying to escape. It’s like fighting hunger with starvation, greed with poverty, love with hate… I guess, in this sense, life is very much a game of opposites. Enlightenment must be more about negating both the good and the bad, and just being… like these turkeys.
#Life #Dramafree #Justbelikeaturkey10712468_10100955975978757_5738333930085382822_o

Under Control

So today I realized something about life. Plans change, and really nothing outside of ourselves (and most of what’s inside) is under our control. How did I learn this you ask? Well, I had 3 plans today. The first one, a bike race, fell through because of the weather. By the time I figured that one out, my second plan to go to the climate March in NYC was not going to work because it was too late to make it down. My third plan, to meetup with some bikers in New Haven also fell through because they were also in NYC, at the march. It was then, when I found this out, that the clouds cleared, and the universe beckoned me on the best bike ride of my life. The fact that nearly nothing is under our control doesn’t mean we can’t make the best with what circumstances we do control.

Random Thought

Today I stopped myself whilst I was deep in thought and came to this conclusion:

Life and Death cannot be perceived as a beginning and an end, as both phases in life are new beginnings. I guess Newton was only right in terms of physics, as in the case of life “what goes up will always end up further than where it started” (and nothing ever truly ends in pure consciousness).

I am a collective creation of every single being that has lived before me.



The True Meaning of Life

Adulthood is such a complicated thing… it’s like a transition happens, and we are thrown into a world of thirsty dogs. The wetness of the still earth presides and we can never seem to get quite dry again.

After a conversation with my only friend in Connecticut today, I realized how lonely this place really is… We breathe, we move, we work, just to realize that life only exists here for the wealthy and the poor; the vacationers of New York City, and those who work to serve them. My point again: life is so damn complicated. Some days I wish I could just stay home and write, take photographs, and paint; so much emotion bottled up at once, but adulthood teaches us to keep it all in so that we succeed in life. Let me rephrase that; adulthood teaches us to suppress our true wants and desires in return for monetary standards that we can value our life by. I think I smell happiness around the corner…